The map has named locations, with connections between them. Connections exist between any pair of locations whose names have any letter at the same position after removing spaces, punctuation, and articles, unless that letter was used to repair damage. Such non-connective letters are indicated in red in the list below. Here is a diagram. Players are indicated by circles, their servants by squares. See the players list for indication of who has what color.

Diagram reflects the state of the map at the end of the game.

Name Damage Visits Special properties
Attic 0 6 Tokens are moved here if their location is removed. (Rule 49).
Blasted Heath 0 5 Tax haven
Brigadoon 0 3 Only connected on Tuesdays (Rule 107). Savage Wilderness (Rule 122)
Central Park 0 6
Embedded CPU 0 5 The mind-control satellite uplink can be recharged by leaving it here for 48 hours (Rule 101)
The House of Commons 0 5 High-security area
Iraq (Wtblpotamia) 0 8 Tax haven.
The Jaws of Death 0 5 Location of protected tokens that have been removed from the game (Rule 154).
the Lounge 0 6 Initial location of all players (Rule 14). Players can be transported here by invoking the magic word "xyzzy" (Rule 62).
Mornington Crescent 0 0 Players moving here win Mornington Crescent, lose game. (Rule 16)
The North Pole 1 3 Elf Tax: 10
Saturn 0 9 Tax haven. Things whose locations are removed wind up here unless otherwise specified. (Rule 53)
the Servants' Quarters 0 6 Initial location of all servants (Rule 44). Location of servants whose locations have been removed (Rule 52) or who end their turn in the same location as a different player (Rule 88). Players ending their turn here lose 3 bownie points (Rule 131).
Under the High Wall (on a resting) 0 7
Washington, DC 0 11 High-security area
West of House (Zest of House) 0 5
West of Nowhere 0 4 Destination of tokens whose destination has been removed. (Rule 57)
Zrblm 0 5 Servants cannot be moved here. (Rule 36)
The 0 3 Cannot be connected to any other room.

Name Location Special properties
golden corknut Zrblm Prize token: value 27, destination The House of Commons. Last redeemed by Carl Muckenhoupt
*ROYAL HONEY* Carl Muckenhoupt Prize token: value 10, destination The House of Commons
Scarlet Emerald The Prize token: value 16, destination Mornington Crescent. Last redeemed by Carl Muckenhoupt.
The Bus Driver's Lunchbox Dylan O'Donnell Prize token: value 0, destination Iraq Value die: 8 (See Rules 104-106). Can be sacrificed to summon bus (Rules 143-145).
mind-control satellie uplink Carl Muckenhoupt Can be used to control the monkey. Power supply charge level: 7
Bottle Imp Carl Muckenhoupt Grants Puissance to holder (Rule 149). Prevents holder from winning by brownie points (Rule 150).
Banana Imp Carl Muckenhoupt
Treasure Imp Carl Muckenhoupt Prize token: value 7, destination the Lounge, last redeemed by Dylan O'Donnell
Null Imp Adam Biltcliffe
personal teleporter Carl Muckenhoupt Currently charged. Can be used to teleport (Rule 110). Can be recharged by esplosions (Rule 111).
pie bomb Monkey Prize token: value 7, destination Embedded CPU. Has a chance of kersplatting when entities enter the same room (Rule 118)
Explorer's Compass The Prize token: value 7, destination Brigadoon (See Rule 123). Last redeemed by Carl Muckenhoupt
Roger Carbol's bomb Roger Carbol Time bomb: delay 24 hours
buttercup yellow secondary Carl Muckenhoupt Quest token in happy flowers quest.
banana yellow primary Carl Muckenhoupt Quest token in Monkey Quest.
forest green primary Dylan O'Donnell Quest token in The Beasting Quest.

Other entities:
Name Location Special properties
the Magic Omnibus Iraq Can be used to transport players or servants (Rule 80) at a cost of 5 brownie points (Rule 51)
Monkey West of House The player holding the mind-control satellite uplink can make the monkey move (Rule 71), pick up and drop tokens (Rule 81), alter the delay of time bombs (Rule 83), and steal tokens (Rule 85). There is a 40 bp penalty for hurting the monkey (Rule 90). Can carry only one token at a time (Rule 100). Likes bananas (Rule 138).
Robot Embedded CPU Can be moved and made to look for kitten (Rule 160)
Kitten Mornington Crescent Can be made to move or fly at random (Rule 160).
Pieman Under the High Wall (on a resting) Source of pies (Rule 115) and bombs (Rule 132)

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